You've reached the page of Rachel Berry, she's a little lost at the moment but she is trying to find her way back home. It's a slow process, but she hopes to make it back some day.
Santana nodded softly at the girl’s words, a soft smile on her lips. “You’re welcome. And really,” She continued, “If you ever need anything, I’ll be here.” She began to let go of Rachel slightly, her arm still around her softly. “I’ll gladly get up at three am if you need something.” She scoffed. “It’s not like I have anything better to do, anyway.” A laugh left her lips and she shrugged. “This is supposed to be the happiest time of a woman’s life, and I’ll try to help you feel like that.”
Rachel giggled and looked at Santana, “When did you get nice?” She scrunched up her nose, a grin on her face, “Didn’t you want to be a star in high school?” She asked after a few moments of silence, biting down on her lip as she looked at the Latina next to her and smiled, “You could be a star, easily.. Mercedes made it, why can’t you?”
Santana nodded. “Okay. I’ll come with you.” It wasn’t fair for Rachel to go alone, let alone have to go at all. Santana knew, somewhere deep inside, that Rachel didn’t want this child. She didn’t want to be reminded of what happened to her, and that she didn’t want to do this alone. “It’s not fair for you to go all alone, so I figure that if there’s no one else, I should go with you. It’s good to have a support system no matter what news you find out.”
Rachel smiled a little, wondering if Santana truly understood how terrified she was to have this child. She was nowhere near ready to be a mother, and she wasn’t ready to give up her dreams but it was too late, and she couldn’t have killed the baby no matter who the father was. Adoption had never been an option for her, not after the Shelby incident - she didn’t want to do the same to her own child, or for her child to feel the same way she felt when Shelby rejected her because she wasn’t a little girl. “Thank you.”
Santana smiled slightly at the brunette. If Santana had to pick one person to reunite with after high school, she was glad it was Rachel. At least the brunette understood the Latina, and things made sense. Sure, they didn’t make sense now, but it sent a wave of reassurance through her to know that Rachel felt okay with her and in her arms. Santana wasn’t good with the whole comforting thing, but she was definitely going to try the best she could.
She was silent for a moment, taking those few minutes to realize just how much she had changed as time went by. Usually, the silence would be filled with endless talk about New Directions, Broadway, New York, NYADA and now, she had nothing to say. Sometimes she thought about going back to her dreams, other times, it seemed terrifying to be up on that stage. “W-will you come to the scan with me next week?” She finally whispered, “I’ve been going on my own, and the doctor keeps telling me to bring someone with me.. a-and I found out the sex..”
Santana kept her hands rubbing at the girl’s shoulders, and she nodded. “Of course.” She responded sincerely, her eyes shutting for a moment. “I’ll be here for a long time. I’ll be in New York for as long as you need me, Rachel.” Sure, maybe this wasn’t what Santana imagined when she moved to New York, but honestly, she’d take anything at this point. She would take any form of Rachel that she could get while she was here.
Rachel sniffed and waited for the tears to stop before she finally pulled away. “I’m glad you’re here, Santana.” She whispered, rubbing at her eyes, “Really glad.” She never thought she would say those words - her and Santana had decided to be friends, but she never thought of anything beyond high school with the Latina, so this was all so new and strange to the brunette but for some reason, she wouldn’t change it for the world.
Santana nodded slowly. “Maybe it’ll be a girl. And Rachel… Of you’re really that concerned, there’s adoption. You don’t have to keep your baby. There’s a family out there who will love him or her no matter what.” She paused for a moment. “But if you want to keep your baby, I can tell you for sure that no one you can raise will be that vicious. You’re too happy, too peppy. You’re Rachel Berry, and that baby will be perfect, okay?”
The brunette gave a small nod, she knew there were other options but after everything with Shelby, she wasn’t sure she could go through it again. Only this time, she would be the parent with the child wanting to know her, wanting to know why she gave him or her up and she wouldn’t be able to deal with that. She let out a sigh as she looked at Santana, “Thank you.”
“Shit, Rachel…” Santana said softly, rubbing her arm soothingly. “You can’t keep these things bottled up inside. It’s going to make you go crazy.” Santana felt good that she was the first person that Rachel told, but she felt horrible for the fact that it even happened. “So the baby is-?” Santana didn’t even need a confirmation to put the pieces together, and she held her a little tighter. “Please don’t be ashamed to cry, okay? You deserve to have every kind of emotion after that bastard did that to you.”
Rachel closed her eyes even tighter at the question and she knew she didn’t have to nod, “I-I find out the sex soon.. I’m scared, I don’t know why.. but I don’t want it to be a boy. What if he looks like him? Or acts like him?” She shook her head, “I don’t think I could handle it.” She knew it wasn’t fair, to wish the gender of her unborn child but she didn’t know what she would do - was evil inherited?
“That does not happen for a reason. Whoever did that to you is a complete jackass.” Putting her coffee down on the ground, Santana put an arm around Rachel’s shoulders, pulling the girl closer to her. “I feel like shit for not realizing anything sooner when you were upset.” She said softly, her fingers playing with the fabric of Rachel’s shirt absentmindedly. Santana never would have expected this, and while she wanted to know more, wanted to know when and where this happened, this was definitely not the setting for that talk. And it really was none of her business.
Rachel moved her head to the fabric of Santana’s shirt, putting her own drink down to clutch at her top. “You’re the first person I’ve told..” She sniffed, and bit down on her lip, “I think that’s the first time I’ve said it out loud.” She whispered, her voice cracking to give away how close to tears she was before she just buried her face in Santana’s shoulder and focused on everything except crying.
“Maybe another time. It’s a long story I’d rather not talk about right now anyway. Finding someone in bed with your girlfriend? Not so hot.” A slight laugh left her lips, still kind of in shock with the kiss on her cheek from Rachel. Santana didn’t know what she was expecting, but she definitely wasn’t expecting the words that flew out of Rachel’s mouth. After taking a sip of her drink, she let it fall back into her cup, too in shock to even drink it down. She didn’t want to say she was sorry — she knew Rachel didn’t want her pity. “I- I don’t know what to say, Rachel. I wouldn’t have guessed, I…”
Rachel let a hand fall onto her bump as she shook her head, “No.. I uh.. it’s fine.” She sniffed and looked at Santana, forcing a smile onto her face. “It’s fine, everything happens for a reason, right?” She murmured, somewhat bitterly - although not at all aimed at Santana as she sighed and ran her fingers through her hair.
Santana nodded. “Exactly. Everything has a reason… it just takes a while to figure out.” Placing a hand on her thigh, Santana looked over at her. “Just trust me, okay? Just know that you aren’t alone now. Come to me if you need anything. I could unload all my crap on you, but I’m sure you don’t want to hear all my relationship drama. Especially when I’m cursing out Brittany.” A slight laugh left her lips, and she squeezed Rachel’s thigh reassuringly.
Rachel laughed a little and wiped her eyes, “You can bitch about her to me all you want.” She smiled, and kissed Santana’s cheek, sniffing before she took another sip of her drink. Santana was the kind of person she could tell anything to, Santana had always been able to read her like a book despite the fact they hadn’t been friends for too long during school. The stunt she pulled about the anti-prom was enough to prove that Santana was the one who knew her better than a lot of others, or that Santana was the only one who would say it out loud. “I was raped.” She finally murmured, staring down at her drink, not even glancing at the Latina as she focused on the red liquid inside the plastic cup.
Santana looked over and could see the girl’s glassy eyes. “I’m sorry… I’ll just shut up now.” She said quietly, turning her head to the other side, sipping at her drink to try and let Rachel calm down after whatever set her off. Santana was never good at comforting people, especially when she didn’t even know what was wrong. Santana scratched at her leg absentmindedly, looking down at the ground for a moment.
Rachel closed her eyes as tight as she could, taking a deep breath when the tears fell anyway. She moved her hand to swipe them away before she looked at Santana, and shook her head, “No, I’m sorry.. it’s fine.. everything happens for a reason, right?” She couldn’t think what the possible reason would be, it hurt too much to even think about but she guessed that somewhere along the way, she’d find a reason.
